Save your marriage by practicing using these phrases.
The following are five simple phrases that could very well save your marriage. They may seem small at first, but each have the power to move mountains within your marriage. As you read, see which ones you are currently using and find ways to use the ones you are not.
1. I'm sorry.
The power of these two words continually goes unnoticed in marriage. Many individuals have grown up in families not hearing "I'm sorry". The perception is that to express any remorse for one’s actions is a weakness. This could not be further from the truth. Having the ability to take ownership creates stability and makes forgiveness a natural response.
The secret to being able to tap into this great healing agent, of "I'm sorry" lies in the ability to look at oneself. Many today are simply too insecure to be real. Instead of taking ownership of mistakes, they consistently push blame onto their spouse. The growing rate of adult children is astonishing. Remember, you’re not four; it is okay to admit you’re not perfect. Everybody else knows it, especially your spouse, it will be okay. Your spouse will love you more for stepping up and taking ownership.
2. I love you.
You would think this one would be obvious; however, it's not commonplace among marriages today. For many, this one is very difficult. Many individuals never heard these words while growing up so for them to pass them on is a challenge, to say the least. I've often asked people how to give something that they have never received. Though that answer is multi-faceted, I do believe one way to heal past hurts is to model and display what you should have received. Your own emotions may not all be there at first, and that's okay, but with time and consistency, they will catch up.
Knowing that you’re loved is a very powerful thing. Many men have done some very crazy things because of that knowledge. Love is truly one of the most powerful emotions we have and most don't tap into that emotion like they should. Make sure your spouse knows you love them. Be intentional and tell them. They'll never get tired of hearing it.
3. I need....
Many struggle with effectively communicating what they need. The alternative is to keep your needs to yourself and secretly build resentments. Remember, you are responsible for how you communicate your needs. They need to be shared with love and respect towards your spouse. The first step in doing so is to understand that you’re worthy to not just share your needs but to have those needs. Giving yourself permission to share your needs can empower you within the marriage to have a voice. A true partnership takes two. If one does not feel safe or valued to share what they need, it’s not much of a marriage.
4. How can I help?
These four simple words can truly lift a thousand pounds from your spouse. The worst feeling to have within a relationship is the feeling that you’re doing all the work. This phrase can express your desire to shoulder the load with your spouse, creating a true partnership in the marriage. Imagine what it's like when your spouse asks you if you need them to do anything for you today. You automatically see your spouse more favorably and you'll notice your own heart softening to meet their needs. The best marriages are those who are great friends, working and supporting each other. Marriage is not a competition, work through your own insecurities and offer a helping hand.
This phrase also forces you to realize that it's not all about you. Selfishness seems to be permeating most every aspect of our society and marriages have certainly not escaped. Marriage is not all about you. Your spouse is not here to serve you or make you complete. It's a mutual relationship of two people committed to doing life together. One is not greater than the other, but two halves making a complete whole.
5. I want you.
The difference between "want" and "need" are ginormous when examining a marriage. "Need" tends to create an unhealthy dynamic between couples; one where you become so dependent on each other that it passes through healthiness and heads straight for co-dependence. If you think of the letter "A", this style of marriage create total reliance on the other person for you own sense of stability. What happens if one falls? The other is sure to follow. The "need" dynamic fosters blame and unrealistic expectations that no one can bear.
The "want" relationship takes on the shape of the letter "H". This relationship consists of two strong independent people who choose to connect themselves with another. They view their marriage as a joint partnership where both bring things to bless the whole. If one should fall, the other is there to help pick up. Expectations are realistic, built upon mutual trust and security to examine self rather than blaming your spouse. Tell your spouse that you "want" them.